Whenever I make plans with a friend and they invite someone else i think “oh no, is this new person gonna be a jackass?” i didnt go to a party i recently got invited to because i would only know a few people there and last time i went to a party at this guys house some asshole asked me where my bf was and who i was gonna kiss at midnight.

I am hesistant to go out with my friends in a social setting because often time some stranger who is totally loserish will have the balls to come up to me and try to talk to me. I dont know what it is about me that says “i want dumbasses to talk to me” but it always seems to happen to me even when i am out with much better looking people than me. It just makes me feel like i must look attainable, ugly, and desperate or something and thats why they target me and not them.

right now the only friend i see frequently is dan and its just me and him at his house. i dont even have the motivation or desire to go do karaoke anymore.

im becoming sooo anti social because of fear that any new people i meet will not be worth my time. at the same time this is the reason why my friends circle is so insanely tiny and rarely anyone has time to hang out with me.

ive been watching nip tuck and currently they are doing a bit on some organ thiefs who target people at bars by using attractive decoys. so sometimes being anti social pays off.

maybe its just this town. I was more than open to meeting new friends when i was traveling and staying at hostels. when i go out in public in LA though i am super rude to strangers because the people in this town just have such horrible auras about them. Not all of them, but the ones that chose to talk to me do. It figures of course, the least desirable people are the ones who have to make the most noise to get noticed. I know its just a numbers game with them and they chose targets who look the most vulnerable, and that is why i get upset, not flattered when they target me. I guess maybe i should work on making myself look more confident and unattainable… but i am just sooo lazy.